3 Essential Self-Care Tips for People-Pleasers

Do you often say "yes" when you really want to say "no"? Do you prioritize others' needs over your own, even when it leaves you feeling drained and overwhelmed? If this sounds familiar, you might identify as a people-pleaser. While helping others can be a beautiful quality that reflects your caring nature, it's important to ensure that your own well-being doesn't fall by the wayside.

As a licensed therapist in Baton Rouge, I work with many clients who struggle with people-pleasing patterns. These individuals are often some of the most compassionate and giving people you'll meet, but they frequently find themselves exhausted, resentful, and disconnected from their own needs. The good news is that learning to balance caring for others with caring for yourself is absolutely possible.

Working with a professional therapist to implement these strategies and create new habits can be a game changer for breaking free from people-pleasing patterns. Here are three practical self-care tips to help people-pleasers like you find balance and protect your mental health:

1. Learn to Set Boundaries—and Stick to Them

One of the biggest challenges for people-pleasers is setting and maintaining boundaries. Saying "no" can feel uncomfortable, guilt-inducing, or even terrifying. However, boundaries aren't about shutting people out or being selfish; they're about protecting your time, energy, and mental health so you can show up as your best self for the people who matter most to you.

Many people-pleasers fear that setting boundaries will damage relationships or cause others to think poorly of them. In reality, healthy boundaries often improve relationships by preventing resentment and burnout. When you're clear about your limits, others know what to expect, and you can engage more authentically.

Setting boundaries takes practice, and it may feel uncomfortable at first. That's completely normal! Each time you honor your own needs, you're teaching yourself—and others—that your well-being matters too. Start small and gradually work up to more challenging boundary-setting situations.

2. Reconnect with Your Own Needs and Desires

People-pleasers often focus so intensely on others that they lose touch with their own wants, needs, and desires. This disconnection can happen gradually over years of prioritizing everyone else's preferences. Taking time to reflect on what truly brings you joy and fulfillment is a crucial part of self-care and personal growth.

Many of my clients in Baton Rouge are surprised to discover how out of touch they've become with their own preferences. They might struggle to answer simple questions like "What kind of movie do you want to watch?" or "What would make you feel relaxed today?" This disconnection isn't permanent—with intentional practice, you can rebuild this important relationship with yourself.

When you start prioritizing your own needs, you'll find it easier to maintain balance in your relationships. You'll also discover that taking care of yourself actually enhances your ability to care for others authentically rather than from a place of obligation or depletion.

3. Challenge the Guilt Around Putting Yourself First

For many people-pleasers, putting themselves first feels inherently selfish or wrong. This guilt often stems from messages received in childhood or cultural beliefs about self-sacrifice being virtuous. However, taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's necessary for your mental health and your ability to show up meaningfully for others.

Think of it this way: when you're constantly running on empty, you're less able to show up fully for the people you care about. You might be physically present but emotionally depleted, or you might find yourself feeling resentful about all the things you do for others. Neither of these scenarios serves you or your relationships well.

Over time, you'll realize that prioritizing yourself doesn't diminish your kindness or compassion—it actually strengthens these qualities by ensuring they come from a genuine, sustainable place rather than from obligation or fear of disappointing others.

The Journey Forward: Embracing Balanced Caring

Self-care for people-pleasers isn't about changing who you are at your core; it's about finding a balance that allows you to care for others and yourself. Your natural inclination to help and support others is a gift—the goal is to express this gift in ways that don't deplete your own well-being.

By setting boundaries, reconnecting with your own needs, and releasing guilt around self-care, you can nurture your well-being while building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. This process takes time and patience, especially if people-pleasing patterns have been your default for years.

Remember that seeking support from a mental health professional can be incredibly valuable in this journey. Therapy provides a safe space to explore the roots of people-pleasing behaviors, develop personalized strategies for change, and practice new ways of relating to yourself and others.

Liz Jones, LMSW

Licensed therapist specializing in anxiety, depression, and trauma therapy in Baton Rouge. Liz uses evidence-based approaches including EMDR and trauma-sensitive psychotherapy to help clients achieve lasting positive change.